Ingraved in a Heart
by misselenasalvatore011
Summary: Set after 2.22, Elena is mourning over the disappearence of Stefan, when her birthday comes along, and a few interesting presents are exchanged.
1. Chapter 1

Set after 2.22…

I woke up screaming, every night. Tears flooded my eyes, and left streaks of left on mascara down the front of my pillowcase. I want this nightmare to be over. But it will never be over. No matter what, something will be looming over our heads… I guess I'll have to get used to the screaming.

I woke up cold, and empty. My body felt rigid and my pounding headache got worse from last night. I don't know what happened. What my motive was, why I decided it would be okay. It was small, but not meaningless. I felt his pain, because I had experienced it before, not being able to be with the one you love. I felt for him.

"Elena, wake up!" I heard Jeremy yell from downstairs. I groggily turned over to my side to look at my clock. 9:45am, September 15th. My 18th birthday. I hated the sound of that, for more than one reason. I usually love birthdays, the festivities, the family, but since I knew I would never spend another with my parents, I knew that it would never be the same. Now that Stefan is gone, on the day I need him most, I would rather be spending my birthday in bed.

I dragged myself out of bed, and trudged to the bathroom, turning on the light to see the note that still guts me every time I read it. His signature scroll spelled out "Good morning my sunshine" on my once fogged up bathroom mirror. It's been nearly two months, and I cannot bring myself to clean it. I don't even remember him writing it, must have been after one of the many showers we shared here, and I was too caught up in other things to notice. The strange thing was, I noticed the note, the day after I knew he was gone.

I showered and blew my hair dry and got dressed in a typical outfit of mine- A v neck t-shirt and jeans with my converse that had I love you written on the toe, another reminder of Stefan. I walked down stairs to see Jeremy attempting to flip a pancake, with Alaric setting the table. I looked down at my spot to see a giant purple pancake with the words "Happy Birthday Elena" written on it sloppily in chocolate sauce. I chuckled at the attempt, and sat down, with Jeremy and Alaric joining me soon after.

"So Elena, how's it feel to be the big 18?" Ric asked me in between bites.

"Please don't mention which birthday it is please" I begged. 18 frightened me. Because even though I do not want to be a vampire, Stefan will always be 17, and now I will always be "older" than him, despite the 145 years he had after he was turned.

After my snarky remark, the table fell silent for a while, and I instantly regretted my attitude.

"I'm sorry Ric. I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that it's touchy, being technically 1 year older than Stefan" I confessed, not caring how that made me look.

"Oh Elena, I'm sorry. Wow, I really need to process things before they come out of my mouth" He said, lightening the mood a little. Jeremy cleared his throat, signaling he had something to say.

"Uhm Elena, remember how I told you that Caroline was throwing you a small party with just your closest friends?" He asked, avoiding eye contact.

"Yes" I said nervously, now wondering what kind of plan Caroline has concocted.

"Yeah, about the small part. Well, it's actually not so small" He said, now sipping his orange juice to attempt to get out of explaining more. I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Caroline and Bonnie walking through the door.

"Oh Jeremy, always ruining the good surprises" Caroline said, coming straight towards me, leaning down to wrap me in a comforting embrace. Bonnie soon followed, and took a seat next to Jeremy at the table, resting her hand on his, making me flinch a little.

"So, about that minor detail, well the back to school party is sort of moving in Dana's direction, so I decided to utilize the birthday to take Dana's lame ass party down. And I know you really aren't party ready, which is exactly why nobody knows it is your birthday but the small group of people you requested! See, still a genius" She declared, fluttering her eyelashes proudly.

"And exactly how many people will be gracing my presence at this take Dana down party?" I asked, joining in on the banter.

"Well, about 400 sans 200!" She said, making me figure out in my head that she invited 200 guests. I instantly pictured the Salvatore Boarding House and had a tough time picturing it that full. I know it could fit that many, considering the size, but usually seeing it with no more than 8 people in it is a rarity. I began to think about the boarding house, remembering that I haven't been back there since the night I found out Stefan was gone. The night I will regret for the rest of my life.

I had brought Damon home from the town square where he was hallucinating, and placed him in bed to help him calm down. The worst of the werewolf bite was kicking in, and I couldn't let him be alone. Stefan had instructed me to go home to watch after Damon, and I had wished him luck with Klaus, not knowing it would be the last time I would see him. I kissed him goodbye, and went along with the plan. After realizing that Damon was dying, I gave him the one thing he wanted. The one thing I had denied him for months. He wanted a kiss from me, and I gave it to him. I had not planned on it being anything but a goodbye kiss, because there was no cure to a werewolf bite, but when Katherine came back with Klaus' blood, I instantly knew something was wrong. I rushed to Alaric's where Klaus was staying, and came to find dozens of empty blood bags everywhere. Katherine had told me that Stefan had gone with Klaus to pay his debt for saving Damon, and I tried for weeks to track them down, but I didn't have the resources or the energy to take a worldwide trip to search. Since then I have not visited the boarding house once.

I drive up the familiar driveway, pulling around the roundabout to find it packed with miscellaneous cars I did not recognize. I walked in the back entrance, and tried to make it through the mass of people in the living room and foyer. I decided to let the party die down a bit before I looked for Caroline, and walked up the stairs to Stefans wing. Instantly all the emotions I had tried to bottle up inside for the past two months flooded to the surface, bringing tears to my eyes. His room was exactly how he left it. How we left it. I was living with Stefan at the time to ensure my safety, and the last night we shared together was the last time he was in his room. I walked around to see the half made bed he attempted while I was dressing, the picture of us on his nightstand, and his many guitars strewn around the room. I sat on his bed, and took in the sweet scent I had missed so much. Tears began to flow down my face when I heard a knock on the half open door. Damon walked in, and saw my face, stained with tears.

"Elena, don't cry it's your birthday" He cooed, trying to make me feel better, but actually making me feel worse. I stifled my tears, and felt annoyed by his presence. The whole summer, all he did was remind me of the kiss I regret more than anything. The kiss itself did not urk me as much as the thought that he was rubbing in my face that he gets to be here with me when his brother is off, probably addicted to Human Blood once again, all in the price of saving him, and he's mocking him for it?

"What Damon?" I asked coldly, not caring at how rude I sounded.

"Would you like your present from me or Stefan first?"He asked, making my heart skip a beat when he mentioned Stefan.

"Ssstefan" I stammered, watching as he pulled a silver box out of his pocket. He handed it to me, and I opened it gently, trying not to rip the paper. Once unwrapped, I opened the small box to find a silver locket that looked to be eclectic.

"It was our mothers before she died. Stefan begged me for it when we were splitting her stuff" He explained. He also handed me a card, making my chest pound.

"Elena, you now hold my heart. I know you said no birthday presents, but I did not spend one penny on this. When my mother died, she told me to give this to the girl I knew would wear it forever. You, Elena, are the girl who I know will wear it forever. Happy birthday, my love. Stefan" It read, on a simple sheet of parchment. I opened the locket to see it engraved with the letters "SGD". I furrowed my brow, not understanding the ingravement, until Damon said that it stood for Stefan, Giuseppe, Damon.

I closed the locket to see the letter S and E intertwined together on the front, which obviously symbolized Stefan and Elena. I felt butterflies in my stomach, and had Damon put it on me instantly, not ever wanting to take it off.

"So, mine will probably top his" Damon said smugly. I raised an eyebrow, and crossed my arms, not believing he could create a gift that would top this.

"I know where Stefan is" He stated, now placing his hands in his pockets casually. I felt my feet come out from under me, and that was the last I remember from the night.

YAY! New story! I don't know how accurate it will be, but I needed to write! Please R/R! 9 DAYS!


	2. Chapter 2

"Elena, Elena, wake up" I heard foggily. I felt a rush of pain in my head, and I felt my eyelids begin to lift up as I became aware of my surroundings. I opened my eyes to find myself in Stefan's bed with Damon on the ground next to me, watching as I sat up.

"W-what happened?" I asked, not remembering much.

"You passed out. You've been out cold for a few hours. Way to go, klutz" He said mockingly. A few hours? I quickly realized that I was still in my dress from last night, and I still had the locket I received around my neck. I smiled privately, and grasped the heart, feeling safer with it around me. I stood up from bed slowly, and began to walk wobbly to the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. Damon had gotten up off the floor to assist me across the hall. I glared at him, not wanting to be touched, but I realized that I probably wasn't stable enough to make it there myself, so I gave into the help.

I washed my face with cool water, taking off the caked makeup Caroline piled on my face the night before, and taking out the earrings that were making my ears sore.

"You alright?" Damon asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. Damon, why was I out cold?" I asked curiously, not remembering anything past when I received the necklace.

"Well, you passed out when I told you I know where Stefan is" He stated, quickly rejoining my side to hold me up in case I decided to fall again. I felt the air leave my lungs, and I rapidly took a breath in, afraid I would suffocate myself.

"Where?" I conjured, surprised I was able to even speak at all.

"Somewhere in Chicago, I got a lead from Andie who was conveniently there last week for work" He said, now cleaning the counter from the mess I left not long ago.

"Chicago isn't far from here. We could get there in a day Damon" I stated, suddenly feeling more hopeful.

"We could, but you're not going" He said, looking me everywhere but the eyes.

"And why not? Of course I'm going, Damon! It's Stefan we're talking about here. He wont listen to you if you try and get him to do something. He needs to see that I'm safe and there for him!" I shouted, getting frustrated at the thought that Damon would not let me go.

"Elena, we're dealing with Klaus here. He does not work alone. Knowing him, he has a whole army of obnoxious blood raged vampires, all gearing up to take down the evil people in Mystic Falls, aka, US! There is no way I can have you there, possibly distracting me from the mission. Plus, you probably wouldn't want to see Stefan the way he is on Human Blood. Remember him a few months ago? Try that times ten. Stefan had you to keep him as stable as possible. That isn't even the beginning of him when he turns off his emotions, which I know he has. So you Elena, will stay here with Caroline while Bonnie, Alaric and I will get him, and bring him back. Got it?" He rebutted, making me flash back to the time when he was addicted to Human Blood again. It was the darkest time of our relationship. That, and when I broke up with him because of Jenna's incident with Katherine. I suddenly ached for the Stefan that came out of the bad times. The one that supported me in everything I did.

"Teach me" I said, suddenly needing to go along.

"Excuse me?" He asked, as if he didn't understand.

"Teach me how to fight Damon! I am not letting you get to Stefan before me. He needs me right now, and I need him. You are going to teach me how to defend myself, and I will be coming with you" I declared, now pissing him off immensely.

"Elena, even If I did teach you, that would mean nothing to Stefan. All he is after is _blood_. He needs time to be in a stable state before I let him see you. Elena, you weaken him. he knows that you seeing him like this would break both of your hearts. He wouldn't want it" Damon said, softer now.

"Please Damon. I need to do this. If you cared about me at all, you would know that none of my life means anything without him. Damon, I need to" I begged, glassy eyed.

"Ugh…. FINE, Elena, but when he pushes you away, and makes you feel like he doesn't love you anymore, don't say I didn't tell you so" He said, giving in to my wants.

"Thank you" I said quietly, making the statement ring in my ears.

"We're meeting with Bonnie and Alaric tonight at the Grill to discuss the plan. Be there at 7" He said, now walking out of the door down the stairs.

I looked around, and felt more at ease knowing I was this much closer to having Stefan back. I went to the closet, and found the rack that housed the clothing I kept here, and the second backpack, for those days I didn't go home. All of Stefan's things were exactly as he left it. It broke my heart in two knowing that just a few months ago, we had it all.

I dressed quickly, glancing at the analog clock on his nightstand, and saw that I had twenty minutes before I was meeting everyone for dinner. I climbed into the car I left in the driveway, and drove there in a haze, wanting to get on with the details of the trip.

I walked into the familiar bar, and saw Bonnie already sitting at a booth in the back. I walked to the back, and crawled into the one across. We made small talk until Damon and Alaric arrived, and I begged instantly to begin the planning.

"Alright, so I know that he is in Chicago with Klaus. No word yet on how many people he has with him, but Andie said she saw him with another guy" Damon stated quietly.

"Alright, so when do we leave?" I asked eagerly.

"Two days. Just enough time to teach you to fight" Alaric said,

"I've been practicing my locator spell, and I got a read on Stefan. Incase they move. But we cant let Klaus know I'm there because he probably knows how to block Stefan from my vision" Bonnie stated.

"Okay. So, be prepared to be out for a while. I want to follow him until we get him back. However long it takes" Damon confessed, making Bonnie shift uncomfortably.

"Well… It's Elena an my senior year. I Cant exactly skip my whole first semester" Bonnie said regrettably.

"It won't be a semester. If all goes well, we can have him home by the next full moon" Damon said proudly.

But we all know how things go for me. –not as planned.

A/N: Thank you for reading! And thank you so much, to my reviewer, "Lily ()" for your sincere and kind words. It's people like you who inspire me to write! Sidenote- 4 days! Look for my update soon!


	3. Chapter 3

All I can do is keep breathing.

Shallow, in, out, in out.

Blink. Blink.

Turn head slightly, keep eyes fixed on his.

Stay standing.

Open mouth slightly.

Move closer. Closer.

I'm not the same anymore.

Murmurs in the car were slight, probably just tuned out by my own head. I felt the pulse rushing through my mind, my body. It was hard to sit upright. My eyes stung with tears. Light sobs were present, knowing that I could cry for hours if I could just make it home without melting down.

The morning was gloomy, odd for a summer day. The clock said 11:00 am, but it felt like much earlier. I stretched my hand across the bed, habit from when he was still here. I felt my heart drop again.

I don't remember walking down the stairs or making myself coffee, but I was suddenly awake when I saw Ric staring at me.

"Yes?" I asked rudely. Ric was staying with us out of the kindness of his heart. I begged him, and being Ric, he obliged. I finally convinced him to move into the upstairs bedroom to make it seem more official, but three days ago seems like forever.

"Are-are you okay, Elena?" He asked, timid for the answer.

"I don't know right now. I'll get back to you". I forced.

No, I am not okay. In no way is the state I am in okay.

"Mooornin" Came a voice from the back door. Damon had walked inside, making my eyes shift to the floor.

"Elena, would you mind joining me upstairs for a quick chat?"He asked, in his usually chipper mood. He began to walk up the stairs, dragging me by my hand. He turned into my bedroom and shut the door, surprised at the mess I had created in the short time since we've been home.

"Are you going to speak?" He wondered, picking up the disarrayed clothes and towels from the floor.

"About?" I snapped, not in the mood to be questioned.

"Don't play dumb Elena, and don't try and act all tough. Tell me the truth, how many hours did you spend curled up in a ball on your bed trying to gain perspective from the cruel cruel world we call Stelena?" He said abusively, not taking in my feelings whatsoever.

"You can leave now" I demanded, pointing to the door.

"I say four, but another trying to go to sleep after you had the nightmare of Stefan correct?" He guessed, actually surprisingly head on.

"Go away Damon. I don't want to talk about anything. Nothing about how the love of my life just told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. Nothing about how the past four months of my life, I have been searching for someone who doesn't even love me anymore" I yelled, throwing the small amount of folded clothes I had at him.

"Elena, take a breath and get some perspective. He said all that shit to protect you! Of course he still loves you! He wants you to live a long life, away from all this drama! If Klaus knew you were still alive, he would be here in a day, and would have you dead by the next full moon. Stefan wanted you to stop following him so Klaus wouldn't pick up on the fact that you have been in the same zip code as him for weeks!" Damon yelled back, making tears flow from my eyes. I thought about his statement, and asked him to leave one more time.

"Fine Elena, but when I come back, lets begin to think of something more productive then trying to get yourself killed, okay?" He asked, pulling me into a hug I did not return.

I decided to nap due to my lack of sleep, but was awaken by the loud sound of my email tone from my cell phone. I opened my eyes, and looked at the email on my handheld.

"Keep yourself distanced from me. I will be sending you my location weekly to ensure we don't cross paths. I'm doing this for you. I'm not asking you to give up on _me_, I'm asking you to stop looking. Stop making this harder than it already is. You know how I feel, and I would like you to hold onto it. I can't do this anymore. S"

Was the email I woke up for. And now, I am awake. My body is awake. My soul is awake. All because of the last line.

"I can't do this anymore" gave me hope.

A/N: short chapter this week! Tried to make the most depressing episode of TVD history a little brighter. Don't forget to review! XOXOX- M


	4. Chapter 4

A knock sounded at the door, awaking me from the daydream I was in the middle of. I looked down at the diary I neglected for so long, sitting there in my hands, resorting to the only thing that gave me relief in those dark months. Everyone was out of the house, so I set down my diary face down to go answer the door.

I didn't bother looking through the peephole, not worried about savage vampires trying to break in anymore. I swung the door open and glanced down and back up again when I realized who it was.

My eyes must have been wide open, my cheeks bright red when he was standing there, inches away from my face.

"Stefan?" I asked, hoping my mind was not deceiving me.

He didn't speak, and looked down to indicate it was really him. My heart jumped when he took another step in, and he let his arms go loose as he stood there, defeated.

I began to move closer to him, until he stopped me with his hand. The electricity from the touch shocked me, leaving me wanting nothing more than for him to do it again. I ignored his hand, and moved forward.

"Elena, please do not come any closer." He asked, with a desperate tone. It felt nice to hear him in a voice that was not yelling at me, like it did the last time I saw him.

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked, wanting to sit him down and have him tell me everything.

"It's Klaus. May I come in?" He asked as if he needed to. I nodded softly, stepping aside as he walked through the foyer he must have come through a million times before. It felt different this time, as if this was an obligation, not him wanting to see me.

He sat down on the couch, and patted the seat across from him, indicating he wanted me to sit there. I agreed, and sat down, staring intently on his features. He seemed tired, as if he has been fighting. His body was fuller in stature, probably due to the human blood diet he has been sustaining. His eyes were different though. Every other time I ever stared in to them, they had a little twinkle to them. Gold flecks among the deep green that made my insides melt. This time there was no twinkle. The gold was still there, but the green was dark, almost black, making me realize he was in trouble.

"You can tell me Stefan, I promise" I said, wanting him to feel as comfortable as possible.

"That's the thing Elena. What I'm about to say is going to put you in serious risk, as well as me. But, I think I owe it to you to tell you that Klaus is in town. I tried with everything to keep him away, but he figured it out. The reason his hybrid army isn't working is because he never really did kill the doppelganger. He is out now, but he will probably be back tonight for you. I don't know what to do" He said, pouring out everything he had bottled up, sounding anguished and alone. I pulled closer, and wrapped my arms around his neck, like second nature. For a second he gave in, but he pulled away, and stared me in the eyes.

"Whatever happens tonight, know that I never meant for any of this to happen" He said, studying my face.

"I know Stefan, I know. This isn't your fault. It's me. It's all my fault, and it's all my fault that you have to be Klaus' slave, and it's all my fault that you are addicted to human blood again, and it's all my fault that everyone I love is in danger, again!" I exclaimed, now crying uncontrollably. He placed his hand on my face where the tears were pouring, and mouthed 'It will all be okay'. I shook my head, but decided to listen to him because for now, this was all I had to hold on to. The glimmer of hope that Stefan will end up okay.

I took a deep breath after seeing the distress on Stefan's face and decided that it was not the time to be blaming myself for anything.

"What can I do?" I asked, willing to do just about anything to have him back.

"There's nothing you can do. Klaus is going to force me over here, take you with him to wherever he is going to kill you, and will make me watch. I can't do anything." He spoke, hard and icy, making it hard to listen to.

"Do you want me to just give into him? Run? Have Damon Bonnie and Caroline come? I'll do whatever you want me to!" I exclaimed, now suddenly in an urgent tone.

"I want you to know that I am beyond fixing. Sometimes, I have points of weakness. Like when I called you, when I emailed you. Those are the nights I'm not feeding, when I have time to think about my old life. The Stefan from the other night though, that's who I am Elena. You saw why exactly humans and vampires don't ever work out. The blood controls me. I'm a different person than the man you fell in love with. Completely different" He said, now standing powerfully.

"Stefan, I can help you! I did it once! You and I can survive tomb vampires, car crashes, crazy psycho birth parents, the vampire council, werewolves, Katherine, and Elijah. I know we can take down Klaus if we are just united!" I shouted, now very into the conversation. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

"It's not that easy Elena. I've killed hundreds of people in my lifetime. I killed your family in 1865! This has happened before Elena! And unless you for some reason become a vampire, there's no use waiting for me to be back to normal, so just give up. Follow my instructions carefully. When Klaus shows up, pretend to be scared as if you will have to. Act as though you had no idea he was coming. I want you to put on the best show of your life, because I will be too. If you can survive the night, we will talk further about what we plan to do about keeping you alive, but for now, please stop dwelling on us.

"Stefan. I will do anything you tell me to. I will obey Klaus, and let him suck me dry. I will run away and be on the run forever. I will even listen to Katherine! But I will NOT stop thinking about us. And you know me better than to ask something like that. And if I survive tonight, I would rather talk about the plan to keep us alive, not me. I am not myself without you" I exalted, leaving myself short of air.

"Elena, please just cut the whole other half crap. If you were saying this to me three months ago, just when I was telling you I wanted to spend my life with you, when you said you never wanted to be a vampire, then you would have the answer you're looking for. Now, all I can think about is blood, and how I want to keep you alive so you can live your life without me. You're just going to have to find a way to survive without me" He said, hands limp by his sides.

"Listen to me! It's not going to work Stefan! We had plans together! Do you want me to become a vampire? Is that what it will take for you to try? To try to fight what you are going through? Because I'll do it. This Stefan, this Stefan that you think is the real you is not you. I've seen you both ways. You think that the man that I fell in love with is all an act. You're wrong. This Stefan, this inconsiderate, arrogant façade? This is the act I don't buy. You're acting to keep yourself alive. To not admit that you have struggles, just like everyone else! My god damn parents died, and then my birth parents died, right in front of me, along with my aunt that was supposed to take care of me died right in front of me. My only family left is Alaric, and we both know how that's going. So what if you have a problem controlling your urge for human blood! All those people you killed? I don't care! All I care about is getting the Stefan back I know you are happier in. The one who isn't afraid to let someone in. That's all I'm trying to do Stefan. You may think this is simple minded, for me to want the guy I fell in love with back. No, it's not just for me. It's for you. Everything I do is for you. So yes, I will gladly turn myself into a vampire if it means helping you." I poured, yelling, and whispering at the same time.

He stood there in awe, eyes glassy with tears, lip quivering just like it did before he handed me over to Klaus the first time. I walked towards him, and ignored his head shake, and wrapped my arms around him, now crying myself. We stood there for what seemed like hours. World stopped, just keeping each other up. After some time, he released his grasp on back, and stepped backwards, walking towards the door.

"What you said. I want that too. But for now, you can't help me Elena. I have to help myself first. But for the record, I want everything you just said too. We just can't have It." He said, and then he disappeared out the door, leaving me standing in the doorway alone. Reaching for someone who does not seem to reach back.

A/N: I love writing intense scenes! I can totally picture this in my head! Okay, last weeks episode was beyond amazing. My lack of Stelena hope has been subsided. I can't decide if it was the montage playing when Gloria was torturing Stefan or if it was the fact that Rebekah knew he was lying about ever loving someone again, or if it was the fact that they are going to have the whole episode together tomorrow? IDK, but please review! Feedback keeps the chapters coming!

XOXOX


	5. Chapter 5

The feeling of death is not something I would wish upon anyone. The feeling of having your life sucked out from you is not something very pleasant either. That feeling, the rush of a life of 165 years prior just leaving your mind body and soul? Not something I would wish upon anyone.

It's like a light switch. Something in you just shuts off. Like my heart is operating at half speed. It's there only to pump blood through my veins. That's it. I see everything different now. Klaus? All I know is that I take orders from him, and listen to him. the hatred I guess I'm supposed to feel towards him for forcing me to do this is not there. Rebekah? She could be someone from the side of the road that I've never met before, and my feelings for the both of them would match. But Elena. Elena is different. Something inside of me is stirring. Like there is a longing in my chest that wants to be made apparent but cannot. I know I loved her once. I know I did, because this feeling I have in my chest is the most I feel at all. This notion that I loved Elena once is what gives me hope that this switch isn't forever.

Seeing the hurt in her eyes reaffirms my idea that I loved her once. That we were in love. When I say those things to her, it's like some other person inside of me has controlled me. Like it's not even me that is spitting out these words. I just don't know how to stop it. It's a force inside that cannot be stopped. I lay awake at night trying to feel something. Anything. I'm empty. All I know is that I need blood. All the time. My memories are foggy, and the ones I have are just there. I am not allowed to feel for them.

I get out of bed and go over to my dresser. There is a picture of her and I laughing, smiling. I wish I remember what that felt like. I opened my sock drawer and threw the picture inside, not caring about my past life. I turn on the music I had in the record player on my desk and hear the familiar sounds of Bon Jovi vibrating through the room. Lexi. She was my best friend. Somehow, I don't even care. How we were together for 145 years, helping each other through everything. That feeling I once had is gone. Absent.

As I'm getting dressed I glance at the calendar above my desk. It's still on the month of May, which was right before Klaus took me from my life. I turn it to September, the present month, and see a large red heart circled on the date September 10th. Inside the heart read "1 year anniversary."A year ago today I met Elena. But somehow, that makes me feel something. It's slight. My heart skipped one small, meaningless beat. My stomach lurched for the smallest second. I looked forward to see my small precise handwriting all over the damn calendar. In three weeks is my birthday. Next weekend Elena and I were supposed to go to the cemetery together to visit her parents, and my father. In October, we were planning to go to the annual school Halloween carnival together, with a little note saying to order the matching costumes. November had a few days crossed off for Elena Caroline Bonnie Jeremy Damon Tyler Matt and I to go camping for the weekend.

What happened? This life I had before, is just over. These people that cared about me, that wanted and planned to spend time with me just disappointed and confused. Yet somehow, the only thing that made me feel something is the big red heart that circles today. It makes me feel.

For a few hours I black out. I don't know what happened. I must have fed extensively because I don't remember a thing. Somehow I'm at the annual bonfire. I look around and see her. She's standing alone, drinking. An instinct tells me to go protect her. To tell her to stop, to make her go home where she is safe. It must be the compulsion, telling me to keep her safe. When she sees me she gets a brief look of relief across her face, but then goes straight to her drink, probably masking what she doesn't want me to see. I follow her up to the bleachers where she is laying at the top. I chuckle at the sight, knowing this is out of the ordinary for her.

"Elena cut it out" I say with a harsh tone attatched. I didn't want for it to sound like that, but it's the other person.

"What Stefan? I thought you were the life of the party nowadays?" She shot back, now dancing around the outskirts of the bleachers.

"Come down from there, we're going home" I said protectively, beginning to walk down. I see her flip her legs over the sides of the bleachers which are three stories high. My stomach flipped over.

"What are you doing?" I asked loudly, rushing up to where she was previously standing. She began to let her hands fall, probably just to make me uncomfortable. She was laughing, but I knew it was the alcohol talking. I heard a shriek, and I saw her lose her balance. Suddenly, the other person inside of me shut up. It was the old me, for a split second. I instantly jumped down, and caught her in my arms, making me feel a thousand different emotions at the same time. All the memories of us flashing back to the surface, reminding me of the first time I ever saw her when I saved her life from the bridge accident.

"I knew you would catch me" She said breathlessly. I looked her in the eyes, wanting to say something while I still had the chance. How I don't mean to be so mean to her, that it's the compulsion and that I can't help it. That I never meant to hurt her, and that everything I do is for her. That as soon as I can, I will come back to her. I set her down, opening my mouth to speak while I still had time, but the other person emerged from hiding. It took over my body once again, sending the real Stefan backwards.

And it all went dark.

A/N: Happy weekend! Sorry for the delayed update! I seriously cannot take these episodes anymore. All the juxtaposition and parallelism from seasons 1 and 2 are making the Stelena split way harder than I ever thought possible. Hopefully the writers give us what we need before it's too late for them!

XOXOX- M


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates on this one… Although last episode was AHMAZING, it didn't add much to the stelena plot, making it hard to write. Flashbacks? Yessss…

I stood there with my eyes closed. Hoping, praying, that I would be able to tune out what was going on right in front of my eyes. What Stefan was saying was stabbing me directly in the chest with every remark that comes out of his mouth. I can't deal with this much pain. It's almost unbearable.

"Ouch Stefan, OUCH!" I shouted at him as he lifted me off the couch. It was sometime over spring break, probably around Easter. I sprained my ankle dancing at the last Founders Day event, making Stefan my slave for the weekend.

"Elena, seriously, all I have to do is feed you my blood and you're better!" He said, taking me in his arms upstairs.

"Yes Stefan, but normal people sprain their ankles and are forced to make it better the good old fashion way. Not everyone has an amazing vampire boyfriend that is able to heal me upon request" I rebutted, allowing him to softly place me on the bed. He took his shoes off and climbed in with me, making me feel more protected and at ease.

"Stefan, I know this is far off, but will you go with me to homecoming?" I asked, completely out of the blue.

"That was random. Why are you thinking all the way to November?" He asked, looking at me with a look crossed between lovingly and confused.

"Well the other day I was thinking about Lexi, which made me think about the day she convinced you to be with me, which made me think of your birthday, which is in November, which is when homecoming is!" I declared, detailing every thought that went through my mind.

"Very thorough. But, isn't it my job to ask you?" He asked, now slightly laughing at my sudden interest in things occurring months from now.

"Yes, but this way I know for sure I have a date!" I exclaimed, making him take me in his arms and kiss me passionately until I was dizzy, all without hurting my foot in the least.

"Elena Gilbert, will you please do me the incredible honor of going with me to your Senior Homecoming?" He asked staring at me with a half smile that I love.

"Yes Stefan Salvatore, nothing would make me more happy!" I said, kissing him again and again.

That seemed like a whole other lifetime. Like we were different people. Standing here in the cellar, watching as the man that I love is resorting to being tortured. I have to do this just to get him to feel something. Anything but bloodlust and hunger, because that is not us.

"Elena, when are you going to let me out?" He asked, breaking the silence and daydreams that occupied my otherwise absent mind.

"When I get through to you" I answered, knowing there would be more conversation to follow.

"Face the facts Elena. It is physically- impossible for me to- feel. That everything you- are doing now is pointless -with Klaus still- alive. The compulsion-is bound until he-dies. You know-that" He said, with broken speech due to his lack of blood, making him too weak to talk. Every word was hurting me.

"I know Stefan, but you heard Lexi. You are in there. Whether or not you want to believe it, you are in there, deep deep down, and I just want to coax it out. And whether you like it or not, you're already showing improvements. And that's good enough for me for today" I told him, getting closer and closer to his body. He closed his eyes and looked down, giving me a full view of his face. It was pale and gray, with his veins sticking out prominently, making my stomach ache.

He looked up at me, and I noticed his eyes were not the same. Before Klaus compelled him, his eyes were the same emerald green they had always been. After, they were just dark. Almost black.

I began to dig around in the purse I had with me, and found my compact mirror my mother gave me for Christmas one year. I opened it and turned it towards Stefan who looked at me with a confused look.

"You're showing me what a mess you turned me into?" He asked, trying to snap but making it come across as sorrow.

"No Stefan, look at your eyes and tell me what you see!" I exclaimed, obviously excited.

I pointed the mirror at him, and he looked for a few seconds before he recognized my enthusiasm.

"So my eyes are green again. It means nothing" He said, trying not to care.

"Stefan, it may just be nothing to you, but to me it's everything" I said, closing the mirror. I sat down on the ground next to him and took his hands in mine. He looked startled for a moment, and seemed to relax after a few seconds.

"I know that you're in there. And it kills me that you don't feel anything by my touch anymore, and that I am just a task Klaus gave you, and that I am going to homecoming with a guy I thought I left behind when I met you, but I know that it's our situation" I said on the verge of tears. I felt his thumb stroke my hand, and I whipped my head up, alarmed by this sudden show of emotion.

He sucked in his breath, as if something was literally hurting him, and I realized that his ropes that were tied around his hands were hitting an open wound. Because of the lack of blood, it hasn't healed since Lexi opened it. I thought for a second, and began to take off the restraints on his hands, knowing it was probably a bad decision.

"Thank you" He said grimly, watching as I untied him.

"You're in there" I said strongly. I began to walk out of the cellar when Stefan called my name softly. I turned around and saw him standing up in front of my eyes. I gasped at how much of a fool I was to untie him, and called for help from Caroline who was waiting for me outside.

"Elena, I'm—Sorry I cannot be your date to the homecoming dance. I know old Stefan would have wanted nothing more" He spoke, now weak against the wall. He probably used all of his energy getting over to the door anyways. Caroline appeared, and stared to drag him back to the seat he was before, making my heart ache after what he last said.

"Care, just let him come home with me" I said, causing her to look at me like I was crazy.

"Elena, you might not be able to get him like this again!" She exclaimed, continuing the process of restraining him.

"He's in there Caroline. And I have another idea of how to get him back, and not by starving him until the point where he cannot even heal. Just meet me at the boarding house with 3 liters of animal blood. I have a plan" I said, watching as Stefan turned to look at me when I mentioned letting him go.

She sighed, and decided not to fight me on this because she knew she would lose. I walked over to Stefan and slung his arm around my shoulder, aiding him to my car. I set him down in the front seat, and began to drive back to the boarding house.

"You know, Klaus will come back, and all your efforts will be a waste" He said, forcing every word out as if it took extreme effort.

"I know Stefan, why do you think I let you go? I wanted to know if you were still in there. And, despite the rude and disrespectful remarks, the out of character blood thirst, the blackouts, and the lying, you're still there. The Stefan I love is in there, so I'm letting you go. But, not before I get you back on animal blood instead of human blood" I declared, feeling a shift of emotion in the car.

"I really hope your plan works out for you" He said, with barely any sarcasm.

"I really do too" I said, eyeing him quickly. He caught my glance, and looked down immediately, much like the first day of school last year. I smiled to myself and drove into the driveway, watching a montage in my head of the several times I'd driven this same driveway in the past few months, and how this time is the first time I wasn't dreading it.

A/N: Sorry for the sort of bad chapter! Last weeks episode was amazing, and it gave me a ton of hope for the upcoming episodes regarding Stelena, but It was kind of hard to fit it into a fanfic chapter that is supposed to be a refuge for battered stelena fans. Please please review and look for an update of my other story soon!

XOXOX- M


	7. Chapter 7

Hi guys. So, you know when you have so many ideas for stories that you can't possibly handle them all? That's happening with me. Right now, Ingraved In A Heart has become basically a recap of each episode, and that's not why I'm writing here. I want to write for you guys to help you get through the rough period without stelena. I want to write something that no one has written about. This story is not letting me. So unfortunately, this is the last chapter of this series, but no worries! It's all in your head is still going strong, and I have a new story coming out soon where Mystic Falls is actually a kingdom, and our beloved characters are all parts of a fairy tale. I'll keep you posted! So, enjoy this chapter, and I hope you switch your kind reviews over to my other stories! Your reviews make my days! This chapter is not completely accurate after the last episode! Just what I think should happen! Starts from right after Stefan got his humanity back.

The light turned back on. I felt sun beating in my chest, I felt the heaviness in my heart from the past months my emotions have been non existant. They're all flooding in, impossible to carry.

I drove. I needed to get far away from Klaus, no matter what the cost. I earned this. I earned the fact that I can feel bad for the countless sins I have committed. I earned the right to feel scared that he will come find me again. I earned the right to feel ashamed for letting Mikael die with the only weapon that can kill Klaus. I earned it.

I don't remember where I was going. I had a plan, and I lost it because I just ended up at Elena's house without me even remembering driving here. I put the car in park and took deep breaths. I was still struggling with the fact that I feel like I'm on the run. What if she's not there?

I looked in the driveway to see her Ford Fiesta sitting there. I decided to skip the front door because of the explanation to Ric I did not want to give. I went around the back and climbed the tree I had climbed countless times before. So many nights of me staying in her bed until the crack of dawn, climbing down the tree easily to get home before school. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Her window was open, as it always was. She was not in her room, but I saw the steam coming from the bathroom, indicating she was in the shower, no doubt basking in her hatred for me, considering she thinks I just saved Klaus because I was tied to him. I climbed in her room silently and sat on her bed, surprised to see her diary wide open. I never have read her diary before, probably because she used to tell me everything anyways. When we would lie awake at night, intertwined, trying to sleep, she would tell me everything that was on her mind. Not one thing was left out. Tonight, the diary was wet with tears. Words were scribbled, out of the ordinary from her unique and bubbly handwriting. Certain words stood out from first glance. Stefan, Klaus, Damon, Killed, Humanity were some of the reoccurring phrases in the diary. I stopped myself from reading more, knowing it was her private thoughts.

I looked around the room and saw the mess that never used to be there. Clothes strewn all over the place, bras and underwear spilling out of the once folded drawers, tangled jewelry on the once organized vanity. It was because of me that the room was messy. I always helped her clean. Every day.

I heard the shower shut off, and suddenly my heart began to beat faster. I was taken by surprise by it, not realizing how much I missed the feeling. I heard the doors shut, her stepping onto the carpet, dripping wet onto the tile floor. She walked to the mirror, and let go of the towel, revealing herself openly. The door was cracked, allowing me to see just the silhouette of her body, just as I remembered it. She brushed out her hair and brushed her teeth, putting on pajamas at the same time. I took one more deep breath before she came into the room, prepared for her to be shocked by my presence.

She emerged from the bathroom, and instantly looked taken back. She dropped her towel onto the dresser, and walked over to the mirror to finish getting ready for bed.

"What do you want Stefan? To rub it in my face that my plan failed? Because congratulations, you'll never be able to feel again. Klaus will never die, and as long as he needs you, you have no emotions." She spilled, on the verge of tears.

I shook my head and felt my lip quiver at the hurt and agony in her voice. I got off the bed and began to walk towards her, watching as she shuddered as I got closer.

"How are you crying? Are you seriously going so far as to making fun of me? Go to hell Stefan" She said, now fully crying, hurt by the emotion she thought was fake.

"No Elena, I'm not making fun of you. You missed what happened after I saved Klaus. I didn't do it just because I was tied to him" I said, inching closer to try and get her to see the emotion in my face.

"Was?" She asked curiously, sniffling away the tears.

"Yes Elena. Was, as in past tense. The part you missed was the deal Klaus offered me earlier that night" I explained, watching as the hatred turned to confusion.

"What deal?" She asked worried.

"The deal was the if I killed Mikael… If I killed Mikael, - I would get my humanity back" I said broken, overcome with the amount of emotions I had flooding my head and thoughts.

She began to cry more, still looking confused. She put a hand on the dresser as if she was about to fall over. She let out a relieved sob, pointing at me.

"You mean- you're, you're?" She said, swallowing the tears, trying to form a sentence. I decided that she could not speak fully right now, and I stepped in front of her.

I reached for her hand, watching as she looked at me as if she saw me for the first time in months.

"It means, that I feel this. I feel the warmth from your hand, radiating into my skin. I feel the rush of endorphins through my veins, for the first time since that night when he took everything away from me. I feel the agony in your voice, and the agony I put you through these past months. I can _feel_ Elena." I spilled, stroking the back of her hand, watching as she gave into my touch.

"Does this mean you're- not tied to him at all anymore?" She asked, looking at me with glassy eyes. The same chocolate brown eyes I fell in love with.

"Not at all. I have my freedom, and my humanity. I have y_ou _again" I said, cradling her face with my trembling hands. She let out a small laugh, jumping into my arms, almost pulling me down.

"God I missed you" I said, inhaling the scent of her violet and vanilla shampoo, feeling the warmth of her embrace rush through my body, filling every part of me with hope.

I pulled her head back, and looked at her breathlessly.

"I never left you." Was all I had to say before our lips met, as if they never took time apart. I melted into her, and didn't leave for three days, telling her everything, planning for the future, but never mentioning Klaus. Just as it should be. As if it never happened.

I would love last reviews for this one! Thank you all for the kind words, and don't forget to go check out I'ts all in your head! Have a happy hiatus!- or try!

XOXOXOX- M


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